I've found that, in general, people can be over-familiar when it comes to talking to gay people about sex. How well do you know this person? Would you feel comfortable if they asked you about your sex life? When the question is directed at a gay man, it can often be a means of discovering which role they play in penetrative sex, if they're active or passive, or 'top' or 'bottom'.īut there are times when this kind of sexually explicit question can involve crossing a boundary. Use your imagination until you know a gay woman well enough to open up about your own sex life and create a context in which it's appropriate. Yes, two female sexual partners may not have a penis but there are plenty of other body parts that can be used to stimulate pleasure – not to mention sex aids. When this question is directed at lesbians, it suggests that without a man to penetrate them, the sex must be somehow lacking. Common pitfalls include being over-familiar, assuming all gay people are attracted to each other and not understanding the gay or lesbian experience, says Matt Cain
